Try Try Try

Sometimes I like to pretend the Universe is talking to me through films or music. At certain points in life, I’m sure we’ve all felt that way; those moments when you’re driving down the road and a song comes on that completely telegraphs your emotional state via radio waves…

The better part of the last 4 years has been a lesson in frustration for me on the career front. The U.S. economy has not be forgiving to people looking to change careers or even those starting a search for their first one. I have applied for over 500 positions since November 2011. Six or seven resulted in interviews and none resulted in offers…until last week. I applied for a position that would utilize my creative and technical abilities but it is not one I expected to get after so many hits with the “rejection club”. At this point, my self-esteem was a seal pup, and the job market has been a ruthless pelt hunter.

Despite my pessimism about the odds, I remained consistent in my technique:

  1. A sent a glossy, well-designed resume tailored to the requirements of the job description.
  2. I wore a suit & tie to the interview.
  3. I asked intelligent questions and took a personal interest in the interviewer’s experiences.
  4. I sent a thank you card after the interview so show my sincere thanks for the opportunity. Yes, I am old school.

When I was offered the new position, I felt like I had a breakthrough of unimaginable proportions. I realize it is just a new job, and that it could potentially be unsatisfactory, but when your wheels have rusted to the road (and you feel like you are slowly fossilizing into your station in life) any forward movement can feel like a cloudburst.

Going back to my original thought about the Universe talking to me through the radio, I remembered hearing that P!NK song “Try” over the course of the past few months.

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You gotta get up and try

And although every minute of the past few years has felt like a slow razor, there was finally a moment when the dam broke. When the cavalry arrived. The moment where determination finally overcame the wall.

I am hopeful more walls will come down as a result.

Pick Your Pope

I’ve been mesmerized lately with all this talk of a new Pope being selected. Personally, I’m not Catholic, but I am Lutheran which is basically Catholic Lite.

In any case, it made me think that this whole process would be a lot more entertaining if we combined reality TV, American Idol, and Disney movies with the Pope selection process. Who needs the College of Cardinals when you have so much material in pop culture?

Here are the finalists…

Pre-plastic Surgery Lil' Kim Pope

Pre-plastic Surgery Lil’ Kim Pope

Zach Galifianakis Pope

Zach Galifianakis Pope

Simon Cowell Pope

Simon Cowell Pope

Jafar Pope

Jafar Pope

Bieber Pope

Bieber Pope

Celebrate the Precious Moments of Your Life

When I was in high school, a good friend of mine had an abortion.

The politics of her decision aside, something happened shortly after this event which has stuck out like a nail in the wall of my memory: Her boyfriend at the time (who also encouraged and paid for the procedure) left an envelope and a gift box on her doorstep the day she got home from having her womb vacuumed out. Inside the envelope was the cash to cover her expenses. And inside the gift box was…

(wait for it)

A Precious Moments figurine.


Yes, one of those adorable, ceramic angels that you give to sentimental types to mark a watershed moment like a high school graduation, a wedding anniversary, or in this case – an abortion. And not only was it overly cute and inappropriate, he got the one of the teddy bear getting a shot from a nurse. As if turning your unborn child into spicy sausage and pepperoni leaflets was somehow as adorable as this innocent cartoon interaction.

The sheer ignorance (and morbid hilarity) of such a bonehead move still resonates to this day. I really want to know what this dude was thinking. Was he standing in the Hallmark store with his thoughts clanking around his head like loose bolts in a metal lunch pail whispering:

“Some day, she will want to look back on this, gather her children (that she allowed to live) and their grandchildren, point to this Precious Moment figurine on the fireplace mantle and say, ‘Ah, I remember my first abortion. You never forget your first!'”

You seriously have to wonder.

In any case, it made me think of how this situation might have played out for other people in similar, but still very different, relationship turning points:

"Hey honey, I heard about your recent IBS diagnosis. Chin up!"

“Hey honey, I heard about your recent IBS diagnosis. Chin up!”

"I told you that you shouldn't have kissed me when I had that cold sore."

“I told you that you shouldn’t have kissed me when I had that cold sore. Happy Herpes Anniversary!”

"I'm sorry I got drunk and beat you and your kid."

“I’m sorry I got drunk and beat you and your kid. Still love me? P.S. We’re out of beer.”

"I forgot my dog had rabies. Please accept my apologies, and this wonderful figurine which will remind your daughter to stay out of our yard."

“I forgot my dog had rabies. Please accept my apologies, and this wonderful figurine which will remind your daughter to stay the fuck out of our yard.”